i don’t want to be in easy situations that require little of You.
i want to be in difficult situations that require all of You.
because i want to be wherever I can find the most of You.
keep me where You are, God.
people who know that they are known, no longer work so hard to make themselves known.
trust that He sees you, and you won’t feel such an urge to ensure that you’re seen by others.
this is the lesson i am learning / wrestling with this season.
and i said to my body, softly, ‘i want to be your friend.’ it took a long breath and replied, ‘i have been waiting my whole life for this.’
— nayyirah waheed
All worthwhile love will require the help of Jesus.
Because, and here’s the kicker, there is no person you could meet that would make it easy for you to love them. No, not really, not in the long run, not when you start to see the cracks and blemishes in their masks. Not when the masks come off completely and you see who they are and they see who you are and some days they fail you and some days you can’t remember why you chose in at all. There is no perfect person, there is no conflict free, forever-easy relationship waiting around the corner for you. And if you feel like you’ve found one, I would challenge you to look deeper into the person you are pursuing. (Not because they are horrible, but because we are all imperfect and because intimate relationship is designed to bring to light those imperfections and to refine them until, finally, we look like our King. If those things aren’t coming up, then maybe you need to go deeper together.) Further, no one can “make it easy” for you to love them because the flaw is in you - you need Jesus to love people well, and they need the Jesus found in your love in order to grow. Basically a relationship is a machine that runs entirely on Jesus fuel. I’m no mechanic but I think that analogy holds up.
And all that to say, when it feels hard, when it feels like its asking too much of you to stick with it, that’s when we need Jesus. Which is good, despite whatever the world taught you about self sufficiency. Needing Jesus is where the journey begins, anything before that realization is just us fooling ourselves while standing still. When we love from a place of dependency on Jesus, we will have worthwhile love.
Just like this image, real love is totally backwards and upside down from what we’ve been taught love should be.
Most good things require all of us. And then they keep asking for more, and the more we give to those things has a name - Jesus. He enables you to love in away that is otherworldly. If heavenly love was easy, we would all do it and never hurt. But it’s not easy and we run from anything that asks that much of us. But anything that doesn’t ask that much of you is not actually worth pursuing. Because if you aren’t willing or being asked to give all of yourself to another, then what are you really doing in your relationship?
If I look at a relationship and say, “this could be good but it would require all of me to make it good and I’m not sure I’m willing to give that much energy or time or work to it” - What I’m really doing is looking right at Jesus and saying “I don’t think You can help me. No, not really. I think I have to do it all on my own. And I don’t love anything more than myself, so I won’t give up my all to someone else, because I don’t trust You to replenish me and I don’t know how to love from a place of selflessness.” But I would challenge: if you can’t be selfless in your love, you are not loving at all. You are self-serving.
And Lord, forgive me, I used to do that. I used to do that all day long. And it’s not love. It’s selfishness. It’s fear. And I couldn’t see it but my heart could feel something was off, my heart knew the difference before my mind ever did.
Once the Father showed me the backwards paradigm of love in a way that lined my head up with my heart - I started to get overwhelmed. I worried there was no way to love the way I knew others deserved it - and just then, He told me, “all worthwhile love will require My help. Do not run from my help, or feel determined to do it on your own. You cannot. I know this, that’s why I’m here. When you are weak, then I am found”
So, go love your people today. Pour yourself out, give all your energy and all your time to the people you’re committed to doing life with. And trust Jesus to be your source of replenishment and strength. Giving your all is the only way to have something worth giving your all to. Everything else is halfhearted at best. Go all in, see what you find there. Better yet, see Who you find. And see Who you become like.